you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
