He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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