lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
