WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
