no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Semen is not good for contacts.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
