I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
