I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
