he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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