also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
