I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
