Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
