were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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