I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
