watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
