ya dads aren't the best wingmen
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
