I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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