My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
