This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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