the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
