My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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