'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We talked him into tasing himself.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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