Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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