Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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