You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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