I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize