she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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