my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
