brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
