Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
