Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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