like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
