You're my little dorito
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I would fuck him just for his dog
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