We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
