Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize