At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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