Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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