It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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