I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize