So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
