1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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