I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
