Nicole vs. Life
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
