In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
there was a trapeze. enough said
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
