Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
