new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
