i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
