That's intense
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
