you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
