btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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