I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
