So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
