u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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