i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
