Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
