kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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