I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
