She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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