So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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