these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
