I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
