$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
