Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
