Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
