its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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