apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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