What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
