It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize