let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
