I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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