I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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