5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
