I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
