Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
