I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
