I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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