How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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