Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
