Can i not drive my cunt home
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
