A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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