you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize