it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
