he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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